Kids: Why we 'Waited'

I'd like to point out that our 'plan' for waiting, wasn't ever really 'our' plan. Clearly, it was God's plan too because here we are, almost five years into marriage and a baby scheduled to arrive shortly after that 5-year mark.

I love it when a plan comes together. ;)

As we've been relentlessly badgered for the past five years with questions like, 'When are you starting a family?' 'When are you guys going to have kids?' 'How many kids do you think you'll have?' 'If you're not going to have kids for a long time, why don't you move that guest bed out of the laundry room?' Some of these questions came from family...some from friends...some weren't even in the form of badgering per say...but the easiest, sassiest, fastest answer for me to come up with was, 'Meh. We want a hot tub first.'

Now there is a lot more to it than that, but that answer usually just did a good job of keeping people quiet. However, I also think it gave people the false idea that we were this selfish, childless, young couple without a care in the world, spending our money frivolously, blind to the fact that children are a gift from God.

First off, I'd like to point out to those of you who like to ask these questions to your young married friends...there could be fertility issues you know nothing about. Or couples who miscarry and don't feel like telling the whole world. This wasn't the case for us, but every time someone asked me a stupid question, I vowed to NEVER ask these kinds of questions to friends and acquaintances because of the hurt and heartache it could cause. In reality, without anyone ever knowing, Josh and I COULD have been having these issues. And for people to continually ask these questions...it's just super inappropriate. There's my two cents.

To those of you who have babies in your first two years of marriage. Bless you. You certainly have your crap together better than Josh and I did. And I think God knew that. Balancing the business and newlywed life was hard. Not hard on our marriage to the point where we were having serious problems or anything like that, but it was just not the time to bring Boersma babies into this world.

The two years that followed were drought years, and while BLC faired pretty well through those seasons (by the grace of God)...there was a lot of stress in our household during those two summers while the jury was still out on how the year would end up. Adding a baby to that equation would certainly have been 'do-able,' but not ideal under those circumstances. Clearly, God knew this too.

Many of you who know our family know that Jamie went through some stuff a few years ago that I just generally refer to as, "Remember that time when you sucked?" And we all laugh about it and move on because she rocks now...but I think the tribulations of that year would have significantly overshadowed any joy that came from pregnancy news and a new baby in our family. Of course God knew I would need my sister to call during these 9 months and had His hand in this too.

Scott and Jane Larsen and Anthony and Becky Bardgett are couples from my home church who I have always looked up to for a number of reasons. Anthony and Becky let our youth group constantly raid their house for late night food and sleepovers and Scott and Jane have a revolving door at their house (they're the camp directors at TLCC). Both of these couples share everything they have, open their doors to high school and college kids, and have raised families who love the Lord (not to mention, mom's look fabulous while doing it all). One other tidbit about each of these couples...they waited seven and five years, respectively, before having kids. And their advice to us during multiple conversations? "Oh my word! You can wait to have kids! These years with just you and Josh are precious!" "We waited and it was the best thing we've ever done! There's no need for you to feel pressure!"

I'm not sure Josh and I are quite on their level of awesomeness...but for our first three years of marriage we had college kids here CONSTANTLY. Our doors were never locked, our washer was always running, and throwing a frozen pizza in at midnight for random visitors was common. I loved it. Josh constantly whines about missing the "old days" and I keep trying to explain to him that 'our kids' graduated, got jobs, and moved away...that's what's supposed to happen! And even though there was no 'title' for this 'ministry' we had at 422 13th St. I don't think any of it would have been possible if I was trying to breastfeed in a room full of college boys or an had infant sleeping in the other room during those late (LOUD) movie nights. Or maybe it would have been possible. I'm just not sure I know of any first-time moms who would have handled college boys making a mess with pancakes in the kitchen; grilling steak and leaving a mess on the deck; or guitar-playing in our living room at 2am very gracefully. God knew all of this too.

Not that I was gracious to these visitors all the time (truly, there was one evening we locked the doors, thought all the 'kids' were at Salt, and still had a 'surprise' visitor...Peter Seehusen happened to be in town and ended up banging on our doors and windows. We were literally like parents who couldn't have a minute to ourselves). I think I also may have yelled at Ben and Kyler once via text when I came home to a complete disaster in my kitchen and dining room after they had hosted connection group one night and didn't clean up the house before I got home the next day. But I think the whirlwind of the past five years has taught us a few things we needed to learn, prior to having kiddos. Our 'stuff' really isn't that important. Beer got spilled on the couch and it came out. Candle wax got spilled on the carpet, and who cares. Glasses have been broken, gutters have been smashed, motorcycles have even been crashed and totaled...and at the end of the day. All that meaningless stuff 'we' have really isn't 'ours.'

And this is a lesson that is like, multiplied by 100 with babies and toddlers and kids. Things are going to get broken, spilled, and ruined...I already know all of this. When it happens it will still be frustrating, no doubt, but it certainly won't be a shock. I'm thankful that God taught us some of these lessons in eternal perspective BEFORE we were also learning how to feed and sleep train and keep a new baby alive (look at me throwing out 'sleep train' like I know what it is...I know nothing). The whole selfless thing...it can be a tough one to swallow. Luckily we've had an intro course.

People are always telling me, "If you guys wait to have kids until you're ready, you'll never have kids...because you can never be ready for this!" I get what they're saying, I really do. I'm not some sort of first-time mom who is barely 17 weeks pregnant that thinks I'm smarter and better than everyone else. Like I said...we haven't read a single book! But also, I think you can be ready. God has been preparing us and teaching us and growing us for the past five years for us to be 'ready' for this. And I really think we are.

I mean, we checked hot tub and tropical vacation and deep freeze off the list...so, like, how could we not be ready? ;)

I'm thankful for the five years God allowed us to wait to have kids; to 'my' college kids who taught me some perspective; and to my hardworking husband who has spent the past five years tirelessly working to prepare for our future family...I'll let you in on a secret...it was never really about the floor or the hot tub or buying more reliable vehicles or saving money...it was all just God's perfect timing.

And now we are ready to rock everyone's faces off with this parenting thing. BRING IT ON.

MmB

Speaking of floors. We are. almost. there. But not quite ready for the big reveal. More scrubbing and sealing and scrubbing before we can move furniture back and get back to real life...oh...and as soon as that happens, we'll be ripping the gross carpet up in our living room...so all that stuff about getting back to real life? Yea...that, except not.