Initial Thoughts on Pregnancy

We made a little announcement on Sunday, if you hadn't heard...

So now that I'm officially allowed to have these opinions...I'd like to share.

These are 15 observations that have been festering for the past five years, and now I can  finally write about them. BECAUSE I'M GOING TO BE A MOM TOO.

1. Unless I ask for your advice...please don't give it to me.

2. I am not tough. I never claimed to be, and I really don't care if you think I'm a wimp. I have nothing to prove to any of you moms who run 10 miles everyday during your third trimester or tough it out at work puking in the bathroom. Good for you. Hi, I'm Mollie and I prefer to barf in the comfort of my own home.

3. Regardless of whether we're having a boy or a girl...if I hear one more comment about, 'Oh wow I can't wait to see how you'll handle a boy.' Or, 'Are you nervous about having a boy? You never had any brothers.' Or, 'Hmm...Mollie with a boy, I can't picture that at all.' I'd like to ask...what about any of those comments to a soon-to-be-new-mom seems helpful or encouraging to you?

*crickets*

4. Stop telling us our house is too small. The Duggar's raised 17 children in a house the size of ours (theirs included the basement ), so...I think we will be fine in our house with ONE. I can't believe we live in a world where a 1,500 SF house with three bedrooms and two bathrooms is 'too small.'

5. Kindly stop asking us when we're going to build a farmhouse and move to the acreage. Not that it's anyone's business, but when we bought that acreage last year, we were on a five to seven year plan...and it hasn't even been two years. So unless you'd like to donate $250,000 to our house-building cause...don't speak.

***However, brainstorming about floor plans, design, and décor is encouraged***

6. Saying things like, 'You can never plan or predict babies.' And 'They will turn your schedule upside down whether you like it or not!' And, 'I can't wait to see how you handle kids since you're such a planner,' is not helpful. Why does everyone think I am so unprepared for this? I realize I won't be sleeping through the night; sitting through an entire church service; watching a movie in silence; or finishing tons of projects and crafts in my time at home with a new baby for years...I GET IT OKAY.

Josh complained that he gained four pounds in one weekend...I've gained four pounds during the past 15 weeks of pregnancy. #winning

7. Already asking how many we're planning to have or when we're planning to have our next one is ridiculous. For now...I think two sound about right, but who knows what God has planned for our family. This is such a pointless question to me.

8. Epidurals (yes), doulas (no), midwives (no,) vaccinations (YES), cloth diapers (no), breastfeeding (whatever works), and organic products (literally don't care at all) are all things I don't care to get into a heated discussion with you about. I won't judge your choices for your kiddos if you won't judge mine. kthanks.

9. Unless I hear it from my doctor, I'm not likely to listen to your opinions on what kind of face wash and lotions I'm allowed to use during pregnancy; if I should stop wearing certain underwear; or if I shouldn't drink an ounce of coffee for nine months. I had no idea your Internet research made you a medical professional. In addition to the lovely ladies at Informed Choices who I like to visit for frequent and fun ultrasounds and my 'real' doctor at my monthly appointments...I also have a personal nurse named Kylie and a personal doctor named Winston who I can text with questions and get answers on demand...so. I'm good.

10. I hate reading. And I also hate touchy-feely annoying mothery books. So unless it's the absolute best book you've ever read in your entire life...don't suggest I read it. Because I probably won't. Let me tell you how much reading I've done thus far in this pregnancy...approximately...zero.

11. Upon hearing I didn't experience the usual morning sickness during my first trimester, the typical reaction is, "Oh my gosh I hate you! I was so sick! Every single day! And I puked, like 8 times a day! For all 9 months!" Listen, I'm sorry you were sick when you were pregnant, but I can't help that I wasn't. So...can we not make this all about you? Because I'm the pregnant one here.

12. Baby is due in August. Please do not ask me how we're planning to handle that during lawn care season. Josh has been in lawn care for 15 years now and 7 of those years have included me. I've had PLENTY of time to get used to the idea that he will be gone from March to October. My husband owns a business that provides above and beyond what we need for our family and for that I am grateful. I have a sister who will be living with us when Baby B is born, a mom who is coming to stay for weeks on end, and a mother-in-law who is only a half hour away if I need her. Is it entirely possible baby will be born at midnight and Josh will need to work the next day? Or that baby will arrive at 3 in the afternoon and Josh will be taking phone calls about breakdowns and crews and customers during baby's first few hours of life? Yes. To quote Vern Boersma, in light of eternity...is this a big deal? No.

13. I kind of dreaded the idea of having a baby in the winter, though that's what we had always tentatively planned. After hearing many of you moms complain explain that winter babies are tricky because you can't go anywhere and they're constantly sick...I've fallen in love with the idea of a summer baby. Lemons to lemonade, people.

14. When I talk about being busy with errands and work and our house...please don't look at me and say, 'Oh wow, just wait until you have kids!' Please don't compare our levels of busyness because it's not a contest...when did it become such a badge of honor to be busier than the people around you? Me mentioning errands or BLC tasks or summer in real estate is just conversation...it's what I have going on in my life while I'm having a conversation with a friend...and you piping up to make sure I know that YOU'RE WAY BUSIER BECAUSE YOU'RE A MOM is stupid. So stop.

15. I Mollie Marie Boersma vow to never complain to friends/family/acquaintances/strangers/social media about anything involving this pregnancy or the newborn and toddler and childhood stage thereafter. I AM SO SICK OF MOMS COMPLAINING. I'm seriously just done with it. My personal favorite are Facebook statuses that are a paragraph of complaining followed by a sentence that is something like, "But I wouldn't trade it for the world!" or, "But this is the most rewarding job ever!" Just. Don't.

***People exempt from this: Josh, Jamie, Mom***

Announced my retirement from cheer coaching at Ames High on Sunday, but wanted to prove to everyone that I. Still. Got. IT.