Happy Easter! And happy 19 weeks!
Being a mom is soooooo much different in 2015 than it was in 1988. I started thinking about this when I was at church on Easter Sunday surrounded by wonderful moms at my home-church. As I looked around, I didn't for the life of me CARE one way or another if they homeschooled, worked full-time, breastfed, had an epidural, or stayed-at-home. And I feel like today, it's ALL. ANYONE. TALKS. ABOUT. Jenny didn't let Katy play with Barbie's, Jeanne homeschooled, my mom sent us to a baby-sitter 2-3 times a week, Beth worked full-time, Donna stayed at home...and guess what...NO ONE FELT THE NEED TO DISCUSS AN OPINON ABOUT ANY OF THOSE DECISIONS. And these are all some of the most incredible moms I know! Maybe it's because I was raised in a small town...all I know is that today with the blogs and the books and the Facebook 'support groups' for Breastfeeding and Sleep Training and BabyWise and Baby WEARING and blahblahblah...it certainly feels a lot different than it did when I was being raised by a mom in the 90's. A mom who didn't have a single one of those 'tools' and made it through just. fine.
(When I sarcastically mentioned that no one 'does' rice cereal or jars of baby food anymore and there's this new approach called Baby Led Weaning, I got a complete blank stare from my mom...so she fed me rice cereal...I SURVIVED)
And at the end of the day...those mom's I just listed have wonderful, adorable, grown kid's who love Jesus (and also happen to be some of my best friends! ;)...which is what matters INFINITLEY more than if they were breastfed for a year or were never breastfed at all.
So now that I'm headed into this judgmental mom-war realm of 2015...I wanted to share a comprehensive list of all the things that most mommies aggressively share their opinions on...but these are things that don't annoy this mommy. Not one. little. bit.
Moms who work full-time.
Moms who stay-at-home.
Moms who breast feed.
Moms who don't breast feed.
Moms who cloth diaper.
Moms who don't cloth diaper.
Moms who feed their kids McDonald's Happy Meals.
Moms who feed their kids 100% healthy food.
Moms who get epidurals.
Moms who don't get epidurals.
Moms who like video baby monitors.
Moms who don't like video baby monitors.
Moms who use safe/organic cleaning products.
Moms who use bleach and Lysol.
Moms who let their kids eat dirt.
Moms who keep their kids constantly clean.
Moms who send their kids to 3-yr-old preschool.
Moms who send their kids to 4-yr-old preschool.
Moms who send their kids to kindergarten without preschool.
Moms who homeschool.
Moms who send their kids to private school.
Moms who are crafty.
Moms who aren't crafty at all.
Mom's who don't allow any TV-watching.
Moms who don't mind Nick Jr. and Sesame Street and Disney Channel.
Moms who demand a rigid schedule.
Moms who go with the flow.
Moms who read a lot of research/books.
Moms who don't read anything.
Moms who research on Google.
Moms who can wear their regular jeans at 36 weeks (fine I hate them a little ;).
Moms who wear maternity jeans at week 6.
Moms who let their kid's play on their iPad.
Moms who are against all electronics.
Moms who stick their infant straight in the crib.
Moms who have a cradle in their room.
Moms who carry a designer diaper bag.
Moms who carry a backpack.
Moms who only shop at consignment stores.
Moms who only shop at Baby Gap.
Moms who shop everywhere.
I feel like some of the things on this list need a small 'disclaimer'...as in...moms who breastfeed don't bother me at all...HOWEVER, mom's who sit in church or at the pool or shop at Target completely uncovered with their entire chest hanging out while they breastfeed because it's 'beautiful and natural'...NOT. COOL. Cover those puppies up. Perhaps this post deserves a follow-up. ;)
I'll leave you with the name announcement we made last week. And for those of you who were apparently confused by the name (because some of you read from right to left?)...I'll set the record straight.
NAME IS: MAVERICK WESLEY JAMES BOERSMA (Mav for short).
MmB
I am very passionate about women walking in freedom when it comes especially to pregnancy, birth and raising your child. I've seen many women in my life haunted by guilt and/or fear because they don't accept that Christ has died to set them free from all of that.
ReplyDeleteWith this I believe a mom needs to do what is best for her and her child. I have no right to tell a mom what I think that is. For me personally I nurse without a cover. God created a really cool thing that when a baby drinks sweet milk and has eye contact with their caregiver as this happening, it does lots of really good things for the brain. Lots of connections are made in the brain. The child learns this caregiver will keep me safe and meet my needs. I believe this so much that for our two adopted children we mimicked this. We gave them sweet milk in a bottle, rocked them, stared lovingly in their eyes, telling them over and over 'you are loved' and 'you are safe.' It took months for one of our kids to look us in our eyes during this because that was so vulnerable for them and so scary.
This is one of the reasons I don't cover when I nurse. God designed feeding to take a place that the caregiver and baby look into each other eyes. (One of the first signs of autism in my third child is he resisted looking into my eyes when I fed him.)
Another reason I don't cover, is I believe the cover draws more attention to my feeding. I had a whole conversation w a male relative on Christmas while feeding my girl. I was then burping her and he said he didn't realize that I was feeding her.
I also believe in America breasts are sexualized but this is not true cross culturally. I had a friend recently move to a country where she is shamed if she covers up while feeding her little guy. Women just don't do it there. Walking through the mall the other day I counted 25 pictures of women who show more breast plastered on the wall and windows than I do when I feed uncovered.
I also want my older son and daughter (8&7) to know that there is absolutely nothing shameful about breastfeeding. If they choose to feed their future babies that way I want them to know that it is normal and there is no reason to hide it. There is no way to normalize it unless they see it.
I am 100% okay with women who cover. But I want women to know they have freedom not to cover. I want the mom who I talked to the other day who was crying because her little one screams when covered and she feels like she can't leave the house because people will judge her if she doesn't cover that there is no condemnation for those in Christ Jesus. She doesn't have to live in fear of those judging her and her decisions.
I'm pretty passionate about this. Not though nursing without a cover (though I choose to do this but it isn't the right choice for many people), but passionate about doing what is best for you and your family.
I think anytime we make these kinds of decisions it should be based on what we KNOW to be true in scripture. And if these parenting ideas or opinions contradict something else that is written all over the Bible...mehhhhh it probably deserves revisiting before proclaiming that breastfeeding while uncovered in public is appropriate and absolutely, without a doubt, the way God intended. I don't think this one is a discussion about 'what is right for each family'...it's offensive to me that other Christian women would choose to do this in the presence of my husband/brothers/etc. knowing it could be that stumbling block for them. Just perhaps something we will have to agree to disagree on. lol.
DeleteI want to make it clear I am 100% happy for anyone if they cover, bottle feed, etc. I just wanted to show you the other side of the discussion.
ReplyDeleteWell said. I found covering drew more attention as well. I appreciate your thoughtful way of explaining that side. I would agree. I needed lots of support and encouragement w feeding in public. It's so easy now and no one sees anything inappropriate bc the tank top I wear under covers my stomach etc and my top tee covers my top of breast and baby covers the rest.
ReplyDeleteI've seen my fair share of breastfeeding, and maybe you're covered during the actual feeding time...but there is a lot of situating and switching and adjusting that happens before, during, and after. I have a hard time believing that there is no chance anyone would ever see anything inappropriate.
DeleteI think anytime we make these kinds of decisions it should be based on what we KNOW to be true in scripture. And if these parenting ideas or opinions contradict something else that is written all over the Bible...mehhhhh it probably deserves revisiting before proclaiming that breastfeeding while uncovered in public is appropriate and absolutely, without a doubt, the way God intended. I don't think this one is a discussion about 'what is right for each family'...it's offensive to me that other Christian women would choose to do this in the presence of my husband/brothers/etc. knowing it could be that stumbling block for them. Just perhaps something we will have to agree to disagree on. lol.
I have been thinking/praying about how/if I should respond to this comment thread. Specifically the convo about covering up while nursing.
ReplyDeleteI have nursed all three of my babies, two of them for 10 months each so I do understand a little about the topic. This is my take on what SCRIPTURE has to say about the topic: and I completely understand that different people do not take things in scripture to the extreme I do (or take it to higher extremes) and God does not convict all people of the same things.
That being said, I feel scripture (which i try my best to base my life and parenting on) talks specifically about this:
Romans 14:13 says,
"Therefore ler us not pass judgment on one another any longer, but rather DECIDE never to put a stumbling block or hindrance in the way of a brother... vs. 15 For if your brother is grieved by what you eat, you are no longer walking in
LOVE."
I know the beginning part of this is to say not to judge and people get VERY OFFENDED about this topic... BUT I think scripture is very clear that we are not to KNOWINGLY cause a brother to stumble.
In reference to other cultures... why would we want to desensitize men to what God clearly has made for more than one purpose??) Read Song of Solomon, the whole book is FULL of referrences to a woman's breasts being for the pleasure of her husband AND THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT. I do not find it fair to men to expect them to ONLY be aroused by breast in the context of sex. Now if God made them (breasts that is) for more than one purpose (enjoyment), how can we say when a man sees a breast (part of a breast), it shouldn't arouse them????
1 Corinthians 8:9 says,
"But TAKE CARE that this right of yours (which it is a right you have) does not SOMEHOW become a stumbling block to the weak."
Now, I have nursed three babies (one I just stopped nursing 5 days ago) and I have covered up around others, not because I am a pude (ask anyone that knows me:-) but because I do not want to stand before God someday and try and explain why I HAD to nurse my baby in front of someone and caused them to stumble in doing that. I understand I can not keep this from happening, BUT I CAN DO MY BEST. I nurse my babies while out and about, in my van... with a 5 year old and 3 year old patiently waiting for mommy to finish feeding our baby.
It is not my job to prevent every man from stumbling BUT I do what I can. And knowing men are wired the way GOD made them, I have no desire to even go there. I try (and fail sometimes) to dress, act, and cover myself in a way that I know I have done my part to prevent it. (Now, I know they should not look but why should I add to the things they shouldn't look at, there is already plenty out there!) That is why as a mom that nurses I do my best to respect other women (by not allowing THEIR husbands to see such a private part of my body, even if "most" of it is covered up) and I LOVE it when other women do the same for me.
I know all the rights women have and "it's not fair" attitudes.There are many "rights" that are legal in this world that we, as Christians do not practice because we are held to a higher standard.
That is, I hope, not just my opinion, but the opinion I have found in scripture. I understand convenience!! Trust me!!! I have three kids under 5 BUT I will sacrifice my convenience.
On a side note, it doesn't bother me to see women nursing (I work in a hospital for heaven sake and see body parts all the time!) but I have a husband who is seeking to follow the Lord in all areas of life and seeing other women's boobs, no matter the reason doesn't help that. (Praise God he is great at eye diversion;-)
Sorry so long Mollie;-) I am taking up all the commenting space;-)
PREACH. ;)
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