Zippered. Leg. Pants.

Josh, holding the legs to his new fancy pants.

Last week...Josh requested I go buy him some zip off pants. 

For work. 

Pants that zip. 

Zipper off at the legs.

To become shorts.

Like the kind that was cool to have in fourth grade.

There has never been a time when I have wanted to submit to my husband less.

Dramatic emphasis...there have been maaaany different, slightly less ridiculous times than this, but humor me. 

My first approach was to play dumb:

"Umm I don't think they sell those anymore babe. I've never seen them anywhere I shop for your work clothes."

"A guy told me he gets his at JAX."

Aaaaand that would be why I've never seen them. Crap.

So off Maverick and I went to West Ames to find some zippered-leg pants. We waltzed in and spent 15 minutes combing through the store because I literally couldn't bring myself to ASK an employee to help me find this abomination to the fashion industry. 

Zip off pants. Lord, be near.

After walking through all the aisles multiple times, without any luck I thought, "Yesssssss. They don't have them. Looks like I'll need to break the news to Josh gently." But for good measure, I decided I should ask an employee so I could come home to tell Josh that I had tried really hard, asked everyone there, and they just don't sell such a thing anymore! Shoot!

I asked an employee where I would find more Men's clothing, you know kept it nice and vague so I wouldn't have to utter the words 'zip' 'off' 'legs' and 'pants' in the same sentence. The response I got was significantly different than what I expected. Apparently JAX has two stores right next door to one another...one for all kinds of outdoor shenanigans. And one for apparel. I was in the wrong one. They directed me across the parking lot and said an employee could help me there. 

Because we'd already been wandering aimlessly for a half hour through fishing lewers, tents, and guns (and it was nearing suppertime for Mav), I decided to get right to the point with the two high school boys that were working at the front counter. This is word for word what I said to them:

"It causes me physical pain to ask you this...but my husband needs me to find him some pants that zip off at the legs. For work. I cannot believe I just asked you to help me find those."

This led to questions about what he needed them for so they could find me the right kind...was it for Boy Scouts (OHMYWORDSTOP)? Because they carry a line specifically for Boy Scouts. I explained he needed them to be able to easily switch between pants and shorts when he was out working with chemicals/mowing/irrigation, etc. They laughed and said something like, "They're actually really popular. We sell a lot of those."

I have never wanted Dan Blake along for a shopping trip more in my life (mark that under phrases I never thought I would say). It was a strange feeling to be in the act of shopping for clothes...and still be so painfully out of my element.

Maverick and I were led to the back corner of the store where the options for zippered leg pants were endless. We were trapped in a sea of kakai, green, navy and black zip off pants that were shockingly expensive. Want to know what was worse than asking where I could find these offensive pants? PAYING FOR THEM. $135 later...we left the store with two pairs of dark gray North Face zip off pants...and a small amount of self-respect.

Josh has fallen in love with these zippered pants and says he won't be going back to working in jeans. Meaning my trips to JAX for overpriced, ugly, zip-of-at-the-leg pants...just got added to my list of regular BLC responsibilities. Perfect.

It also means that when Josh asks me to do a load of his laundry...he now says things like, "Hang on, I have to go get my pant legs from the truck before you start it."

Sure thing, babe. I'll make sure to wait for the legs to your pants before I start the laundry.

MmB