This is something I believe my generation of parents' struggles with. There are so many activities and constant entertainment options...things we 'should' be doing for their growth and development...things we 'should' be doing for their nutrition and physical health...between all the nonstop fun stuff (and the temptation to just entertain them with screens when we're exhausted from the nonstop activity), we end up engineering every second of their childhoods without giving them a spare moment to be bored.
But let me tell you the beautiful thing I've witnessed about boredom this week.
It gives kids so much freedom to DO AWESOME STUFF.
I knew Monday could be a struggle without at least a tiny bit of 'show reward' because we were skipping nap so Mav could be down for bedtime before we hosted Connection Group at our house. We have been on major screen detox since Christmas (And honestly it wasn't even terrible then...I just hated how often Mav was requesting shows or talking about shows and movies or making up his own narrative of, 'well if I'm really good and eat all my lunch, then I can have a show!'...when mommy had never even said that!) so even though he pleasantly asked for shows, multiple times throughout the day (3-4 times?) I answered with a simple, 'nope, not today bud,' and he left to go find something new to play. I repeated this each time he asked and surprisingly he just hopped to a new activity (It does not always go this smoothly...in fact, there were a couple days in January that I told him if he asked for/talked about a show I would start taking toys away each time he asked...he actually mentioned this today, so I wonder if that traumatized him enough to work).
We stayed in the house all day because it was windy and cold, so sending him outside wasn't an option...but letting his imagination run wild inside was. He worked on his Valentine's, dressed and moved around his fake baby, requested to cuddle me on the couch and 'rest our eyes instead of nap,' and colored and drew and glued and crafted. He made a 'family' out of paper, drew a picture of his friend and her teddy bear to take and give to her at school, and pretended little carabiner clips were 'keys' for our hotel room in Galena. I watched him make things I've never seen him interested in doing before (without moving from my book on the couch) and it was so fun!
And I didn't 'help' him with any of this...he knows where the craft cupboard is, he has a pair of safe scissors, and everything else is washable, which means my intervention is 0% necessary.
Is there a time for fun, structured 'Pinterest' activities and sensory bins and baking with mom?
Absolutely yes, there is. But I have this sneaky suspicion that mom's spend waaaaaay too much time doing that crap and not enough time telling their kids, 'Hi, it is not my job to entertain you for 12 hours a day, GO PLAY.'
The same thing was repeated yesterday...and this time Mav hardly got out any toys. He played with the same ten plastic fence pieces from a John Deere toy he got when he was a baby. For a while it was a sled...then he turned it into Santa's sleigh, then it was a fence for the farmer again. It's like he's 'peaking' with his independent play at the exact right time for welcoming a baby into the house (all. the. praise. hands.). And he didn't ask for a show ONCE.
So how do I put this...I think the best thing for our kids might be to ignore them a little. Or a lot. They don't need us as much as we think they do. They are smart and independent and creative and are absolutely capable of filling an entire day playing with one line of trains they got three Christmases ago. They don't need us filling their days with nonstop activities and outings, just let them BE and see what happens. I know this is hard in the winter and I know different ages factor into this too (I'm guessing we have some show-heavy days in our future with a newborn), BUT I really think it's GOOD to let them feel boredom. Let them feel it long enough for them to have to deal with it. Say no enough times to their incessant requests for screens and eventually they'll go hunt for something else to do because they've finally realized that's their only option.
By the way, saying no then sitting down and entertaining them yourself doesn't count either...banish them to the basement, the toy room, their bedroom, the craft room...and demand they stay there until you come get them. It's been my experience that Mav actually gets lost playing with things he hasn't in a long time and completely forgets about whining for shows.
For us, the biggest pull has always been to turn on PBS or a Paw Patrol DVD of individual episodes...neither of which are bad (both of which were super helpful pre-preschool when mommy wanted an hour of quiet time to work on Bible Study). And the occasional family movie night is one of our favorite things to do, but spending the month of January pushing through with little to NO TV from 8am to 8pm has been SO GOOD for our family, specifically for me and Mav. We had a couple sick days where we watched multiple movies to survive, and that might be what got us in such bad shape to start with...and days like that can't be helped. But I honestly love making Maverick be bored. He's gotten so good at it and I've seen him create things with his magna-tiles and Legos and craft supplies that I've never seen him do before...toys he's had for months/years are being played with all over again, differently, and for longer periods of time. If he had nonstop activities and practices and events scheduled for him, he wouldn't have developed this skill of being bored and going to find something to do independently. Even if it's been frustrating (for both of us) at times, I think giving him margin to learn this skill is one of the best things I can do for him.
So don't give in to the bored-winter-whining. Just ignore them a little. Sit on the couch with a book or some other adult activity and refuse to be the entertainment for an afternoon. Let them figure it out without your intervention like we did when we were kids and screens weren't a viable option...but painting and coloring at the kitchen table for an hour was.
MmB
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