The Story of a Babywise Baby Who Doesn't Sleep

We do a little rocking to sleep when it's a teething-week (or two...or three) and it's kind of amazing.

This post has been a long time coming...18-months in the making, actually. It became clear fairly early-on that Maverick would not be the poster-child for Babywise, despite my best efforts. So I'm going tell you alllllll about it. Even with all of my rule-following and crying-it-out and ZERO sleep props...we have a kid who still has his bad nights.

But don't we all? Last night I didn't fall asleep until after midnight. I didn't cry about it, but it was annoying.

Here's The Story of a Babywise Baby Who Doesn't Sleep...his name is Maverick Wesley James Boersma.

Before having Maverick I was sold on the scheduling approach Babywise offers. I knew I wanted to set Mav up for sleeping success from the get-go, read the book, and was ready to take this part of mothering ON. I knew I did not want to nurse around the clock, rock him to sleep, or have him sleeping in our room longer than a few weeks. I'm wired to work well on a schedule, and while it can be rigid, there is so much flexibility and freedom within that rigidness. I love it. And even though it hasn't been a raving success in our house this first time around, I can't imagine doing it any other way.

The first few weeks I focused on getting Maverick to eat well, followed an Eat-Wake-Sleep schedule, and encouraged sleeping/napping on his own in his crib or his swing. If I'm being honest, I rarely held my newborn when we were at home. In fact, I loved going to church because if he made a noise in his seat I got to hold him. Weird, right? But in my mind, it was a bad habit I didn't want to start! I'll be holding our next baby more. lol.

Anyway...after we had a couple months under our belt, it seemed like Maverick was well on his way. He was sleeping in his crib, eating once in the night, and a pretty decent napper. Yay! Right?

Wrong.

The three/four month sleep regression hit and there were no survivors. None of us slept. For like a month. I was feeding him two-three times in the night and he would STILL cry when I laid him down in his bed (it wasn't hunger, he was perfectly happy to be rocked and I didn't fall for that). It was exhausting. A couple months later...the same thing happened. The kid has no bad sleeping habits to speak of except that he just WON'T sometimes. I was a big fan of letting him cry for a while before I fed him because sometimes he would whine himself back to sleep and I was like, "VICTORY IS MINE!"...but there were weeks where I'd give in because nothing I tried or tweaked or changed made a difference.

Babywise doesn't EXPLICITLY TELL you that developmental leaps, ear infections, teething, regressions, and colds happen and your kid might not sleep. Or that exclusively breastfed babies sometimes have a harder time sleeping through the night (and I TRIED to offer more ounces + supplement with formula to get him to sleep, believe me!). When they learn to roll, they might not sleep. When they learn to sit up and can't figure out how to lay down, they might not sleep. When they learn to stand up next to their crib railings, they might not sleep. When they learn to climb, they might not sleep. And when they transition into a big kid bed, they might not sleep.

WHAT?!

It wasn't until I joined an amazing Babywise group on Facebook that I started to really get a handle on things.

My expectations were this: Follow the schedule, the rules, and advice from wise other mom's, and Maverick will be sleeping 12 hours through the night by 12 weeks like everyone says.

If you find yourself in a similar situation to mine...I'd recommend lowering your expectations right now. You might have insane success with Babywise principles, but also...you might not and you have to be willing to accept that (I'm still not sure I'm ok with it). Expect nothing from your baby, but plan to meet their unreasonable requests...expect less than nothing from your newborn.

A few things I love about BW...it's easy to communicate Maverick's needs and schedule to family and friends. We're pretty strict about being home for Maverick's 3-hour nap (unless a special/fun day warrants sleeping elsewhere) and we are almost always home by 8:00 for bedtime. It's just cut and dry. As Maverick's schedule from newborn to now has changed, it's been met with some comments about us being lame for not staying out late or joining in on a big event...but honestly? Once you're a parent (unless you have a babysitter and are OUT for the evening!) it's time to grow up and get your kid home for bedtime. And we LOVE having people over to our house because Mav goes down so easily. We had a group of Salt guys here last night until almost 10:00 and they weren't quiet but it was totally fine!

A friend with a four-month-old texted me a few weeks ago and said, 'Dude God reveals so much sin at 3am.' and it. is. true. Maybe that's why I have a kid who is a terrible sleeper...God has more sin he would like to show me and that is the only way He gets my attention. Yikes. (insert hiding monkey face emoji x3)

Besides many nights that were just downright weird and bad and God only knows the reason...I noticed Maverick's night sleep would suddenly be horrendous when he was ready for a big schedule change. Last February when he was five-ish months old, he was 'telling me' he was ready to drop his evening catnap (I didn't figure it out, a friend did). It was a struggle, but almost instantly his night sleep got better. Then again last summer when he was around nine-ish months old, he was apparently ready for a shorter morning nap. I started cutting it to 45 minutes and again his night sleep instantly got better. When he was nearing one year things started getting wonky at night yet again so we dropped his morning nap altogether and after a couple weeks he was consistently doing 11-12 hours at night and a 2-3 hour nap in the afternoon. It's a pattern I noticed for Mav almost totally after the fact every time it happened because it's not obvious until you put it all together...once your a YEAR in.

In reality, Maverick probably IS a decent sleeper. He DOES have many good sleeping habits I overlook because I just expect them. I didn't struggle with 30 minute naps like many mom's do. He has no problem putting himself to sleep, which I love. He'll nap or sleep almost anywhere. But when your kid is awake in the night crying and there is nothing wrong and nothing you can do about it but let him work it out on his own...it. is. frustrating. Like..."I want to punch every mom who has a perfect sleeping child in the face" kind of frustrating. Because I followed all the rules! Why is this happening?!

It's those d%*$ expectations. Get rid of them. I gave my 17-month old a bottle a few weeks ago at 3am just to get him to FLIPPING SLEEP. I texted a friend the next morning and said, "WHAT IS MY LIFE?" And it wasn't until a veteran mom of (almost) six told me, "Honestly, if a bottle in the middle of the night calmed Maverick down, I say 'good job giving him a bottle!" Wait, what?! He's not supposed to be needing a bottle at this age! He's supposed to be a perfect sleeper! He was supposed to be sleeping 12 hours a night by 12 weeks!

Nope. Just stop.

Maybe nothing about this post was encouraging, especially if you're in the trenches of a sleep regression and the only advice I have to give is, "JUST GET THROUGH IT." But I do want to leave you with this quote from one of my new, amazing, wise, mom-friends (she's the one with five, almost SIX so she is a goddess and a professional mother by my standards):

"Babywise is only a jumping off point; at the end of the day, it is only a tool to help you parent Maverick, your individual unique kid, who hasn't read Babywise and therefore doesn't know the rules yet. Babywise isn't your boss. It's your employee." - Paige VV

Umm...that's really all this blog post needed to say. I should have started and ended there. If nothing else, at least now you know you're not alone during those sleepless (sometimes for no reason!) nights. Lower those expectations and stay confident you're doing a great job. These punk kids of ours will sleep...eventually.

MmB