10 Things I Hate About You: Josh Edition

Find the blog Mollie wrote about the 10 Things She Hates About Me here.

Well after much hype and anticipation I have finally completed my guest blog appearance. I want to start off by saying it was definitely NOT my idea to write “hateful” things about my spouse and post in on the internet. But Mollie convinced me it would be “funny” and “cute” or something like that. So I’m just going to dive right into it. These are in no particular order.

1. My wife seems to be lacking the simple ability to efficiently put toothpaste on her tooth brush. This has bothered me since we first got married and shared a tube of toothpaste. Yes, she grabs it in the middle of the tube and squeezes it like she is trying to kill a bug. Any normally adjusted individual squeezes from the bottom to the top while folding the empty part towards the opening of the tube of paste. Not Mollie. It is probably the most unorganized thing she does other than the order she finishes her crafts. I will get to those things in this blog as well.

2. Mollie has this tendency to hide/steal things from me. For example I will literally put a cup on the counter and while I walk to the fridge to get the chilled/filtered water, somehow she finds a way to snatch that cup and put it in the dish washer. This really happened and is a regular occurance and not just with dishes. Other times she is sneaky and takes things like my pants or tools and hides them in places no normal person would look. Like anywhere other than where I left them or where I want to keep them!!! I have gone weeks looking for vehicle registrations, clothes and even icons on our desktop that I put there so I could find them again. It’s out of control.

3. My wife literally could wear a different scarf every day for 3-5 months. I have no clue how many she has and I simply cannot understand the purpose of them! It seems like every day she asks me if I like her NEW scarf. I mean...where does she get the money?! Even if they only cost $5 that would still be a small fortune! Then, like I said earlier, what is the purpose?! She will wear these things when it's 100 degrees. She has even started to drag her friends, family and co-workers into this clinically insane habit.

4. We all fear evil men, but there is something we should fear most and that is a woman who steals the covers. I can't tell you how many nights I have woken up cold to the touch because Mollie happened to dream that she was a Komodo dragon in a death role and wrapped herself up like a burrito! I have gotten better at realizing when my blanket reserves are getting short and have learned all is fair in love and war and yank them back without mercy. If she wakes up she wakes up. Papa's got to be warm. She also ripped out sheets in her sleep. True story! It’s on her side so she can’t even try to blame me. J

5. A good husband will encourage his wife in all of her endeavors. Well my wife is pretty crafty but she has the attention span of a gold fish. She gets these grand ideas for these awesome crafts and I'm all like, "Ya babe go for it! I know you can do it!" Then 8 months later she has started 6 more crafts, completes 3 or 4 of them, but I'm still missing 30 of my favorite t-shirts that were supposed to be a blanket. (She actually stole them without telling me so I was confused why I never had shirts for a month or two. Good thing I was busy with work.)It's completed now, but I lost track of everything she is up to. I have learned to just nod and smile. 

6. We also have all heard the “joke” women can't drive. Well my wife does not completely personify that sentiment, but she comes close at times. I remember once I was on the phone in the kitchen talking to someone I didn't want to be talking to and I looked outside just in time to see my wife run right into my trailer and throw it like a rag doll. It gave me a great excuse to hang up which was good. She had destroyed the newly replaced bumper of her last vehicle which happened to be the nicest part of it! It was actually pretty funny and ironic. There have been other times where she just spaces off and hits 90mph without knowing it. One time Peter Seehusen and I were passengers on our way to Hickory Park and we both cringed as the street slightly curved while Mollie didn't seem to notice. We must have barely skimmed the curb and she had no idea why we had a look of sheer terror! I swore I would never buy her a nice car because it inevitably would hit something it shouldn't. Grandpa Harm and Grandma Junice got the best of me with an awesome deal and turns out Mollie is a princess and got a nice one anyway.

7. Some people have drinking problems or gambling problems but my wife has an organization problem. She doesn't just put everything into totes and label them with laminated skicky labels, she organizes our bed! Yes, our bed has to be "organized" before we fall asleep. Crazy much?! All of our pillows have to be just right and laid out in their spots just right... Lord save me.

8. I'm going to do an organization part b. I am a business owner who has everything right where I need it on my desktop. I am an efficient money making machine!!! I can't spend my time looking for my files after they disappear. I mean I'm a big deal ok...that is all. ;) This is also part of #2

9. Mollie told me I should write about the fact that she "can't cook." Well there is some truth there but I'm ok with it. I mean ya she can't cook like Marie from Everyone Loves Raymond" but what she makes I like. I kinda like ordering out a lot too. I know I am terrible but burritos, chips, pizza, sweet corn, and grilling is always good! 

10. Lastly Mollie has this crazy idea that from 8-11pm is the best time to exercise, decorate, organize, ask me to do projects, etc. Most days, especially in the summer I am hardly coherent because of everything I have to deal with. If I hear one more person say, “Well I have never seen that happen before”  in regards to something I own or work with I will lose it. So ya, I do not want to be productive at that hour. But good for her. She gets crud done! ;)

A Heartfelt 'Thank You' to our BLC Customers

I sort of love that my car is sporting the BLC logo as of yesterday. I'm still dreaming of personalized license plates that read, 'MMB4BLC.' Maybe next year...

I spend a fair amount of time on this blog ranting complaining mentioning how sometimes we struggle with customer demands, Josh's hectic work schedule, ridiculous weather, etc...but...NO MORE.

We love our life. We are thankful for our livelihood (which just so happens to be the small business Josh started at the age of 12...I for one am thankful that this is the business venture that succeeded and his previous endeavors failed, ie: catching and selling snakes to the neighbors, writing and illustrating 'books' and selling them to family and friends). And most importantly, we are thankful for the people we get to serve by providing EXCELLENT lawn care services.

A few days ago, we sent out the following letter to all our BLC customer's. I thought I'd share it to make sure that Josh is getting his fair share of airtime on the blog. Trying to keep the DIY to BLC ratio in check. :)

Dear (Customer Name),                                                

Boersma Lawn is gearing up for another year of providing you with the very best lawn care service in Central Iowa. We've recertified our applicator, calibrated our irrigation/backflow devices and purchased more aerating, spraying, and fertilizing equipment. I am also excited to announce we've hired our first year-round, full-time employee. Boersma Lawn Care has many goals for the upcoming season and we’re looking to our excellent customers for help.

For the past 13 seasons, Boersma Lawn Care has built its reputation by running a quality, ethical lawn care company, during an extremely tough economy (not to mention flooding and drought). We have some of the most loyal customers in the business (we still service the lawn of the first customer I had as a 12-year-old!) and greatly value all referrals. As we look toward continuing to grow, we want to assure you that our values and commitment to providing the best quality lawn care services will always remain the same.

As an incentive to pass our name along, we’d like to offer ONE FREE CHEMICAL APPLICATION for every successful chemical-customer referral you give BLC. Just email boersmaenterprises@gmail.com with the referral information and we will apply the discount to your next billing statement. It’s a small way we would like to show our appreciation.

We want to sincerely THANK YOU for your business. Your generous support of this small, locally-owned company is what provides for my wife and I…and we couldn't be more grateful. We hope you've had an excellent experience with Boersma Lawn Care and can trust us with the referrals of your neighbors, family, and friends in the future.

Sincerely,

Josh Boersma
Owner/Operator
Boersma Lawn Care

***If you haven't 'liked' Boersma Lawn Care's Facebook page yet...YOU SHOULD! We're working this spring to offer more drawings, giveaways, incentives, and discounted chemical prices...CHECK IT OUT***

10 Things I Hate About You: Mollie Edition

Hate might be a strong word, but the title of this post seemed to fit. I also figured it was time for Josh to make an appearance on the blog with his writing talents and wit...meaning later this week, Josh will be writing about 10 things that I do that drive him nuts.

Things are going to get real.

Disclaimer: These are all things we tease and laugh with each other about...nothing about this blog post is serious or meant to hurt each other. We thought it would be funny to share some of our quirks because we're sure other married couples can relate...or maybe it's just us................................. *crickets*

1. Josh is the only person in the house who uses ice in his glass on a daily basis. He has a habit of using three little ice cubes out of the frozen tray and putting the rest of the tray back, instead of emptying the whole thing and re-filling it. Which means I spend most of my life re-filling ice trays.

2. As many of you know, Josh refuses to own more than two pairs of jeans. Last week when I was washing one pair, he came to me and said that his 2nd pair needed to be washed too. But he needed something to wear for his lunch meeting...and there we were...with only two pairs of jeans. Both completely filthy. Both needing to be washed. But because this man only owns two pairs of jeans, off he went in dirty jeans that won't get washed for another week because they are ALWAYS ON HIS BODY.

Josh now has four pairs of jeans...two for work...two for 'nice'...I think that is acceptable and not at all as outrageous as he seems to think. 

3. Josh is a loud swallower. No seriously. Every. single. night he gets up, gets a glass of water, comes back to bed, and then...SWALLOWS LOUDER THAN ANYONE I HAVE EVER KNOWN. This might seem ridiculous, but trust me...it's insane.

4. My husband loves showering. He has since he was little...in fact his parents purchased a bigger water heater to accommodate all of the siblings and their frequent lengthy showers. He has a profound love for warm water, also explaining his obsession for wanting to own a hot tub. He thinks in the shower. He plans his day in the shower. He spends 20 minutes in the morning and 20 minutes at night in the shower, which I see as an enormous waste of time.

Boersma family trip to a cabin? Perfect time for Josh to hide in the bathroom whirlpool with a Mt. Dew.

5. A few months ago, Josh started saying, 'Goodbye my love!' to me a lot...I thought he was just being precious. Then he told me it's a line he's quoting from Dumb and Dumber. It instantly stopped being precious.

6. Josh's excuse for tracking grass everywhere in the summer is that 'Grass is money'...which is totally true of our small business empire, and I rarely complain. But let me tell you just a few of the places where it's common for me to find grass...in my sweatshirt pockets, on the floor, in the dryer vent, on the back of the toilet, in the cars, in the showers, inside my socks, AND IN THE FREEZER.

7. Josh has discovered a profound love for jalapeno-flavored anything. He likes trying new, spicy things, which is fun. Jalapeno's on our Papa John's pizza, jalapeno-flavored popcorn, Tabasco on everything, and Fiery Cheetos are just a few of his favorites. However, approximately 45 minutes after consuming the aforementioned foods he is forced recline his seat on the drive home and then spend a considerable amount of time in the bathroom...immediately regretting his spicy food choices. It's a vicious cycle he won't give up.

8. He makes me save hundreds of mowing magazines that he claims he will, 'read in the winter when he has time,' but in the past four winters, I have never, EVER seen him read a magazine. Which makes my case quite strong for throwing all of those magazines away this year.

9. When I find Josh's hat or socks or moccasins laying around the house, I pick them up and put them in the winter hat basket, the sock drawer, or the shoe bin. Which apparently offends him because he says I am constantly, 'hiding his things' from him. When putting these items away makes perfect sense to me.

When I stumble upon something like this, I put the dirty socks in the hamper and hang the jeans up on a hook in his bathroom...crazy? I think not.

10. Josh is ornery. This is probably something I also love about him, but sometimes when he's being ornery it makes it impossible for me to get anything done because he follows me around being ridiculous. This is more of an issue in the winter months when he's at home all. the. time. I think he gets this ornery trait from his G'pa Harm because there is a face they both make when they're telling a story or doing something they know they're not supposed to be doing. It's the ornery face. Here are a few examples:

This happens every. single. time. I try and get a picture.

Josh and G'pa Harm being ornery at the farm together...talking about how they both need more tractors (in Josh's case that would mean owning one...in G'pa Harm's case, that would mean owning 6 or 7 or 8)

Josh and Jamie being ornery eating chips together.

Josh being ornery by grilling a burger at 9pm in a blizzard in sub zero temperatures.

We get our picture taken and he says, 'Why does my face look weird? Don't use that one.' HIS ORNERY FACE COMES OUT WHEN HE DOESN'T EVEN KNOW IT!

Stay tuned for Josh's side of 10 Things I Hate About You: Boersma Edition!

Farewell Cheer Season

It's Monday. I'll work until 3 or 4:00 today and then I'll go home. And I have NOTHING ELSE ON MY SCHEDULE OH MY WORD THIS IS AN AMAZING FEELING.

But also, I'll miss my cheerleaders. And here is the speech I gave last night about WHY I'll miss them so much.

"It's always hard for me to come up with a worthy re-cap of each season for these banquet speeches. My time with these girls started back in July with cheer camp, and you wouldn't believe how fast seven months flies by. In less than a year, all 13 of these girls have made HUGE strides in becoming more versatile and polished cheerleaders. I think Coach Alison and Coach Logan would both agree...when this group of girls started cheering, some of them were shy...some were uncoordinated...and sometimes they reminded us of awkward baby birds. The JV squads that are sitting here at this banquet tonight are transformed, excellent, hardworking, sharp, and strong cheerleaders...and that's in large part to their own hard work and dedication to become the best they can be.

I started the season with goals for liberty's and wanting each girl to have the ability to stunt in up to three different positions. A couple of minor injuries, waaaaay too many snow days, along with inevitable sick days made it a real challenge to complete some of our goals this season. However, I am proud to report that we started the season with three flyers, and now we have five girls successfully flying extensions and cradles at the JV level. We started the season with only one successful twist-down, and now we have three (ALMOST four) girls flying twists. Upon comparing what JV jumps looked like back in July to how these girls overall jump today...it's a night and day difference. When someone was sick or hurt, both the Orange and Black squads could carry on with a number of stunts during their games...and in Winter Cheer when we only have six girls cheering on the floor at a time, this is harder to do than most people probably think.

What impresses me most about my JV squads this year is their genuine love of cheerleading. At our last practice when it's usually hard for us to get girls to come because they're busy with new jobs and track and tons of other things, these girls wanted to stay and stunt for an hour! In fact, I actually had to end practice at 4:45 or I think they would have stayed and stunted all night! In my past three years of coaching, I have never had 100% attendance on the final day of practice, had 100% correct uniforms turned in, and then had girls ASK TO KEEP PRACTICING. They impressed with their hard work, creativity, and drive to make themselves better.

As we all know, cheerleaders carry certain "catty" stereotypes. But I've constantly been impressed by how these girls take critiques SO WELL. They ask each other to critique their motions and jumps and stunt positions, which doesn't always happen within cheer squads. Before our games were even over, I had captains asking me how they could improve for the second half. The minute the games were over, they were immediately asking for the notes I took for their game reviews. For the entire last month of the season, I never really took notes at games because there was nothing to critique! A lot of times cheerleaders will blame stunt problems on everyone else in their stunt group, but these girls had a drive to work to improve themselves first, and because of that improved the quality of the whole squad...and that made me really proud.

When I look back on this season and how these girls have transformed their personal cheerleading skills...it's obvious their hard work will pay off. Whether they have goals of trying out for the competition squad, or improving their physical fittness, or dreaming of cheering in college, or hoping to coach their own little cheer squad someday...this squad has the ability to accomplish whatever they set their minds to, and I will be proud however they're able to use their cheer talents in the future.

From asking to stay after practice and stunt to finding mirror space before practice to work on jumps with each other, to enrolling in tumbling classes to master their back handsprings, this group of girls genuinely LOVES cheerleading...they even like fundraising! They understand the bigger picture for our program and we appreciate that they do everything in their power to work hard to represent Ames High in the most cheerful positive way. And those are the kind of girls we want involved with Winter Cheer. Winter Cheerleaders don't compete to win anything and there isn't quite as much 'hype' surrounding winter sports, as opposed to our (INCREDIBLE) football team and fall athletes...but they appreciate and enjoy the sport of cheerleading in it's basic, uncomplicated form.

JV Orange and Black...we're incredibly proud of you. We hope you're proud of yourselves. And we're already looking forward to spending next season with you."

From Carr Pool to Furman Aquatic Center to Ames Christian School to Ames High Winter Cheer...I've been working with these two ladies for the past SIX YEARS and appreciate them in my life so much!

The typical picture-fest ensued immediately after the banquet...I missed 30 minutes of the Oscars for this, but I suppose it was worth it. ;)

Me with the first group of girls I ever coached at AHS! Hard to believe they're graduating in two months. Proud of their cheer talent, but more proud of their #rolemodelstatus