After 7 Weeks...Here's What's Up

I haven't been at this mom thing very long, so my guess is most veteran moms will skim this and laugh...but it's what I wish the many mom's I've encountered over the last five years would talk/share/blog more about. It's not necessarily 'advice' (because I realize I'm not in a position to dish that out yet) but I've found that my reality of transitioning into motherhood has been VERY different from what I've witnessed first-hand from the mom's I've been quietly watching. And for the random childless girls out there who might be watching me or reading this blog from afar...it's my goal to paint a less scary, but just as realistic view of being a mommy from my first seven weeks of experience.

I know these statements are not true for everyone because everyone has a different new-mom story...but this is mine. I also realize I make these statements with the experience of only ONE baby and our life will certainly look different when/if we're blessed with more. This post is specifically written for soon-to-be-new-moms.

I have not peed my pants once. Mom's talk about this like it undoubtedly WILL happen to everyone...and that's not always the case. It didn't happen during my nine months of pregnancy and it hasn't happened since I gave birth to that sweet little human, so my guess is I'm in the clear until my next rodeo. At which point all this new motherhood stuff won't be quite as daunting, so if it happens...I'm guessing it won't be quite as traumatic.

This newborn stage isn't nearly as bad as everyone makes it out to be. The number of times I've read about the newborn stage being nothing but a sleep-deprived haze that many parents wish away because it's so exhausting and terrible...not how I feel about it at all. I would say I was pretty tired for the first week, but by week two, I'd settled in to a nice little SAHM routine. Certainly still tired...but I expected that. It's like getting up in the middle of the night to feed a baby is shocking to some people...? And napping when the baby naps is not as hard as everyone makes it seem either...you're looking at a champion college napper who came out of retirement seven weeks ago for this joyous occasion.

You will have time to shower. It all just takes some planning ahead. And prioritizing. Church early the next morning? Shower the night before. Family pictures in the afternoon? Shower in the morning and spend the day getting ready a little at a time. Feed the baby, do your hair...feed the baby, do your make-up...feed the baby, get in the car and paint your nails on the way to wherever you're headed. I know I'm only speaking from experience with one tiny, easy, sleeps-a-lot baby...but being covered in spit-up, spending every day in sweats, and being dirty all the time hasn't been my new-mom reality. And in the event you find showering a challenge...dye your hair a nice dark brown for fall and you can get away with some pretty amazing dirty hair.

Whatever makes you feel like yourself...do that. We came home from the hospital and I was stupidly tired, but I spent part of the afternoon putting gifts away, starting some laundry, and organizing everything we hauled home from the hospital. With the whirlwind of giving birth and adding a new human to our lives, everything feels a little out of whack...I think it's natural to want hold on to anything that feels familiar. And what felt comfortable and familiar was organizing my house. For the past seven weeks if I've had an especially hard night, it feels good to get up and start my day by picking up the house. Even when it probably would have made more sense to go right back to bed.

Something I've Learned: If I get up and immediately hit the ground running without first brushing my teeth, throwing my hair up, and putting on real clothes...it's noon before I get back around to it. I have to force myself to do that stuff before I start in on my To-Do list for the day.

Being a mom is a job. I knew this before, but it's for real you guys. And if you want to be good at a job, you can't spend all your time whining and complaining and sleeping and demanding your husband help you because, "it's your turn!" Josh doesn't go to work in the morning and demand I come help him spread chemicals. So when he comes home, I don't demand he help me change Maverick's diaper. He does the fun cuddling in the evenings, but he does not get up in the night (what good would it do anyway...I'm the only one who can feed the baby) because it's not really his job. We have ONE baby and I can honestly say nothing about my life right now is harder work than what Josh gets up and does everyday. This is what I signed up for when we agreed I would/could stay home...so I plan to suck it up and handle it.

It is possible to still look fab. I'll be the first to admit I've been enjoying giving my face a break from make-up and I LOVE that I don't have to blow dry my hair before work every morning...but I've made a rule for myself that Monday's are a PJ-lazy day at home to recover from the weekend...the rest of the week I get up, put on mascara, and act like a real human. Even if I'm not planning on leaving the house. And dressing a post-pregnancy body isn't nearly as horrifying as everyone hypes it up to be.

A tip I'll share for those habitually new-mom tired eyes that the anchors on the Today Show use (and they get up at like 3am EVERY DAY): A cold wash cloth on your eyes for about five minutes and you'll look as fresh as a daisy. 

Being prepared isn't hard, it just takes a little extra time (which, coincidentally, I was prepared for). If I know we have a big day tomorrow, I lay everyone's clothes out the night before. This is something I used to do with Josh and I, so it wasn't that hard to just coordinate an outfit and add Maverick to the nightly routine. It's worth the ten extra minutes at night to make us on time in the morning. As far as remembering all the new baby stuff we need before we go anywhere...I try and have as many systems as possible in place so it's quick and easy to remember all this stuff. Stroller is always in the trunk, extra diapers and a package of wipes stay in the car (in case I forget to refill my stash in the diaper bag), Maverick's luggage is conveniently located in his closet. We've taken a couple weekend trips at this point and the only thing I forgot on one of them were my undies (good thing Josh was coming to Manson a couple hours later and could bring them PHEW). And I remind myself...this too, is part of my SAHM job, so it would be kind of pathetic if I forgot something really basic like a spare outfit or diapers.

Breastfeeding is weird. I can't sugarcoat this one for you. It's creepy and weird and sure it's good for your baby and helps you lose weight and it's free...but it's essentially like being half-naked in a room full of people while everyone carries on a conversation and you're...just...sitting there under a blanket half-naked. I try and make it more enjoyable by avoiding breastfeeding anywhere but my house at all costs and prefer to sit in front of my TV with either Gilmore Girls, KUWTK, or Today Show playing while I feed Mav. Planning my life in three-hour increments isn't a big deal because...feeding a baby is like the biggest part of my SAHM job description right now. We go on a date? It's three hours or less. We road trip somewhere? It's three hours or less. It's a season and it's already going by too fast, so you won't hear me complaining about it.

You have got to let that baby cry. The good news is, babies are still really cute when they cry so it makes it much more bearable. If Maverick is changed, fed, burped and I know it's nappy-time, I have no problem wrapping him up and letting him wail-it-out for a bit. It seriously works and he's getting way better at going right to sleep. He has off days (today was one of them) but this is how I get stuff done. Don't get me wrong, I cuddle and kiss on him plenty, but it doesn't do either one of us any good for me to hold him all. the. time. Bills need to be paid, showers need to be taken, mommy needs to eat lunch (I accidentally forget sometimes) and he needs to let me do those things...especially because if I don't eat...neither does he.

Keeping the house clean isn't that hard either. Again, it's just priorities. If I can't handle getting up, pulling myself together, and doing a clean sweep of the house before people come over or before we take off for the weekend...what is my problem. I'M HOME ALL THE TIME. With a baby who is happy when he's awake and then sleeps most of the day. I literally have no excuses. I don't get everything checked off my to-do list everyday...but the point is that I try. And the beauty is that if I don't get to cleaning both bathrooms, I can always do the other one tomorrow! BECAUSE I'M HOME AND THIS IS MY JOB AND I LOVE IT.

I'll reiterate that this is all true of my first-time-stay-at-home-with-a-happy-healthy-Maverick-mom-life and it's not true for everyone. But my point is, there is just too much negative stuff about taking the plunge with that first baby than positive...and coming out of the fresh newborn phase, I decided there should be more positive. Babies have allergies and reflux and colic and none of that is fun or fair for new moms and I'm definitely not saying postpartum depression should be ignored...these are just my a few of my observations for you today. 

I'm off to feed Maverick like it's my job...because oh, wait. It is. ;)

MmB

Mollie Meets Motherhood

{photography by LibbyAsayStudio.com}

I have a specific moment when I felt like a real mom and I can recall it perfectly. It wasn't when I saw Maverick for the first time looking like a gross purple alien  miracle (yes that's how I feel about all newborn babies, mine included). It wasn't when he was wrapped up and Josh was holding him beside me. It didn't even happen at any point while we were in the hospital for three days. It wasn't until Thursday evening when we were home that I felt like a mom FOR REAL.

I remember slowly picking up the house, putting things away... Josh was home, my mom was with us starting laundry, asking me where I wanted stuff, helping me remember when I needed to take percaset (you know...mom jobs). Maverick was wrapped up and sleeping in his little bassinet on top of the dining room table.

And for some reason...I missed him.

Like...he was inside of me for nine months. I'd been with him nonstop, thinking about nothing else for the previous three days. He was cuddled up hanging out in the same house and I had this, 'awww I miss him' feeling unless I was right beside him, cuddling him, holding him, feeding him, or kissing him.

IT WAS THE WEIRDEST THING.

I mentioned it to my mom and Josh and my mom said, 'Honey, it's because you're a mom now.'

And that's when it felt official. I was a mom and this tiny, precious, adorable, fuzzy human was my baby.

MmB

Maverick: One Month Update

I have sooooo many thoughts and potential future blog posts banging around in my head, but I thought I'd start here because we officially have a one month old baby...the newborn-ness is gradually slipping away. So in order to remember everything from the past four weeks, I thought I'd do a quick update.

I don't know that I'll stick to this monthly like a few of my favorite bloggers do, but this seems to be the easiest way to write/document/remember all the stuff from this past month...so here goes in no particular organized order.

Maverick's favorite thing is probably bath time...which I find hilarious since that's also his daddy's favorite past time. I'm hoping this means he will also like mommy's favorite past time...swimming. He seems to enjoy his car seat and we try and take a small trip to Target, to visit dad at work, or go on walks at least once a day so he has plenty of time to get used to it. Our first 'real' road trip to Manson last weekend went perfectly both ways...he was awake, fussed for a minute, Jamie turned around to shove in the paci, and he slept the rest of the way. When we went back for the chili cook-off, he did the same thing. So far he's slept though both of his photoshoots, his doctor appointment, his first family reunion and three of the four church services he's been at.

He's gone through so many changes in the past month, it's already hard to remember! The first week was basically just eating, awake for five minutes, sleep, repeat. The second and third week included a lot more awake time, and this past week he has started to fuss a little bit more...but I just keep reminding myself of these wise words from Angie Carson, 'sometimes babies will just cry.' If his tummy is full and his diaper is clean, I do my best to ignore the fake crying. I was actually surprised how quickly I figured out the fake cry from real crying and Maverick is becoming a pretty good little fake crier...just like his mom was. So I WON'T be falling for that trick since I invented that game...just ask my parents (and poor Mary Jo). I also think being held non-stop last weekend had something to do with him being fussier when I could tell he was just really tired...this kid looooooooves to cuddle up and nap on people.

Mav likes shopping when  he's awake as long as he's moving but doesn't love when we stop and stand to look at something for longer than five minutes. Most of the time being in his car seat puts him to sleep though. I know it's hard to tell at this point, but Jamie, Josh and I are all pretty sure that he loves music. When we turn it on he almost immediately stops the fake crying. Maybe all babies do that, I don't know. He's been so much more alert during his awake-time this past week and we can tell he's starting to look and focus on things which is fun. He obviously likes being held, but there are times when being held makes him crabby and he would rather just stretch out on the floor and kick his legs and wave his arms non-stop for a good 20 minute baby cardio-sesh.

He's doing really well eating on a three-hour schedule during the day (though sometimes he only makes it 2.5 hours before I give in if fake crying turns to the real cry). And breastfeeding seems to be going well, though I know things can change and go downhill really quickly in that department. I was told so many different things by different nurses in the hospital that once we got home I just ignored all of them, threw the satanic breast pump in the closet, and didn't look back for the first month (thanks to Kim Gazaryan). Now that we have one month under our belt I've gone back to pumping when it's convenient and I have time during the day and that also seems to be going well so far (we're only a week in...so the jury is still out).

Maverick has peed or pooped on Josh and Jamie the most, which is hilarious because I'm the one who does 95% of the diaper changes. He's has only spit up about three times in his little life so far, which means my clothes have stayed crusty-dried-spit-up free...so I'm counting that as a first-month-mom-win and he rarely burps, no matter how long we pat him for. He makes a lot of sweet noises with his mouth and tongue and lips and he's obsessed with his hands. They are just all over his face, but I do regular baby manicures so he hasn't scratched himself once (I prefer filing his sweet little nails instead of clipping them). I tend to pick at him a lot because I hate it when babies have dry flaky skin on their heads and faces...so all that junk gets a nice gentle scratching every time he eats. He's had two little white zits so far in his four weeks of life but mom took care of those too and he didn't even mind!

After our big crazy weekend, bae has had some trouble napping during the day (because he was held and cuddled for all his weekend naps!). So I've stopped laying him on the floor or in the swing for his day-naps and into his crib he goes. He fusses for a while before falling asleep but he seems to sleep better in there now...Plus then the fake crying is easier for me to ignore. ;) I usually try to get him to nap about an hour or an hour and a half after he wakes up to eat and that's the schedule we follow for most of the day. For this first month I haven't nailed down a strict schedule because it revolved around when he would wake up to eat at night (and I kind of just let him do what he wanted), but as of yesterday we are rocking and rolling on a (semi-loose) daily schedule. Up to eat at 9, noon, 3, 6, and 9...then awake for a little bit then bedtime. He rocked this schedule yesterday and rewarded me with EIGHT STRAIGHT HOURS OF SLEEP. Of course I know he will probably go back and forth before this is our 'norm' but with fewer visitors coming by and now that I'm feeling almost 100% I think we should be able to get into a good groove here pretty quick being that he is such an easy-going baby.

And yes, he is in his crib. For the first four days we were at home, I wasn't super limber...if you can believe that. So climbing in and our of our super-tall bed was...a bit of a (painful) challenge. I slept on the couch, Maverick slept in his little travel-bassinet beside me, and Josh (bless his heart) camped out on the living room floor on the love-seat cushions so I wasn't all alone for a couple nights. With Josh heading right back to work, this was not a feasible long-term solution, so I moved to the guest room (bed isn't so tall in there) for a couple nights with Maverick in the travel-bassinet so Josh could attempt to get some real sleep in our room. After a full week of not sleeping in my own bed with my own cuddly husband...as much as we love that little punk we were not about to let him ruin our nightly routine of cuddling and watching shows and movies in our bed. Once I could get in and out of our bed, Maverick started sleeping in his crib and it's worked out great! Plus we won't have a challenging transition a couple weeks/months down the road when we have to re-train him to sleeping in a crib. I've thought about it a lot and it wouldn't be that much more convenient to have him in our room since I change and feed him in his room every night...I think we're all getting better sleep because of it.

He has an adorable hairy-baby forehead that makes me laugh, plus little fuzzy baby shoulders. Josh is concerned that this means he has, in fact, inherited the hairy Boersma trait and he will be cursed with these hairy shoulders for life. As I mentioned in my last post, there is no denying he has Josh's legs, feet and toes and he's already gotten a fair amount of teasing for that...but that's character building. It's hilarious to us when people comment on who he looks like...it's about 50/50 and completely random. In the beginning he looked like me if his eyes were open and his hat was off so everyone could see his dark eyes and hair...but if he was sleeping with a hat on (which was most of the time), everyone agreed he looked like Josh. That changed to my family thinking he looked just like me as a baby and Josh's family thinking he looked like Josh. Well, scratch all of that because now my family only sees Josh and Josh's family all sees me...Occasionally he makes a face that I recognize from a picture of me when I was a baby...but in these 1-month pictures I don't see Josh or me...I just see a Maverick.

The farts that come from this tiny human would shock and appall you...and probably make his uncles very proud. I've never been around a baby who farts as loud or as long as Maverick. It's just shockingly hilarious. He makes these ridiculous farts in his sleep and we can hear them from our bedroom with BOTH DOORS CLOSED. And the calm faces he makes while he's working on a big one are just as funny.

Sarcasm in our house is pretty rampant, so the other day when we had the Today Show on and they were talking about how to not raise entitled kids, how to give allowances, etc. with the 'Parenting Experts'...they mentioned doing chores to earn an allowance is important, not just giving kids a standard rate each week regardless (there are parents in this world who do that?!) and Josh and I looked at Maverick (sleeping in his swing because he was approximately 10 days old) and said, "OK man, go empty the dishwasher, thanks."

Maverick gets a little crabby between 6 and 7 each night if he's fighting his evening catnap. He was swinging in his swing the other night, fed, changed, and fake crying and Josh looked at him and said, "Hey Maverick. Sucks to suck." Now you all think we're terrible people but at the time it was reeeeally funny. We kind of have to joke around because neither of us enjoy listening to him cry (especially Josh) so turning HIMYM on louder and eating the yummy meals people have been bringing us has made it bearable.

Overall he's just a really good, normal, happy baby...we haven't discovered any allergies to wipes, diapers, milk, soap, lotion, etc. Generally we're getting at least 6-9 (typically interrupted) hours of sleep each night depending on how lazy I feel like being in the morning. No colic or reflux issues so far...he's gaining weight, I'm losing weight (YEEYEEYEE!), and we just hang out at home cuddling, talking, watching hours of Gilmore Girls (seriously, it feels like all I do is sit, feed a baby, and watch TV!), and sending Josh cute videos of Mav being adorable throughout the day.

Last week I celebrated my one-month-mom-aversary with a spray tan and I'm feeling pretty much back to normal. A blog about my transition to being a mommy is on the horizon, so brace yourself.

MmB