I haven't been at this mom thing very long, so my guess is most veteran moms will skim this and laugh...but it's what I wish the many mom's I've encountered over the last five years would talk/share/blog more about. It's not necessarily 'advice' (because I realize I'm not in a position to dish that out yet) but I've found that my reality of transitioning into motherhood has been VERY different from what I've witnessed first-hand from the mom's I've been quietly watching. And for the random childless girls out there who might be watching me or reading this blog from afar...it's my goal to paint a less scary, but just as realistic view of being a mommy from my first seven weeks of experience.
I know these statements are not true for everyone because everyone has a different new-mom story...but this is mine. I also realize I make these statements with the experience of only ONE baby and our life will certainly look different when/if we're blessed with more. This post is specifically written for soon-to-be-new-moms.
I have not peed my pants once. Mom's talk about this like it undoubtedly WILL happen to everyone...and that's not always the case. It didn't happen during my nine months of pregnancy and it hasn't happened since I gave birth to that sweet little human, so my guess is I'm in the clear until my next rodeo. At which point all this new motherhood stuff won't be quite as daunting, so if it happens...I'm guessing it won't be quite as traumatic.
This newborn stage isn't nearly as bad as everyone makes it out to be. The number of times I've read about the newborn stage being nothing but a sleep-deprived haze that many parents wish away because it's so exhausting and terrible...not how I feel about it at all. I would say I was pretty tired for the first week, but by week two, I'd settled in to a nice little SAHM routine. Certainly still tired...but I expected that. It's like getting up in the middle of the night to feed a baby is shocking to some people...? And napping when the baby naps is not as hard as everyone makes it seem either...you're looking at a champion college napper who came out of retirement seven weeks ago for this joyous occasion.
You will have time to shower. It all just takes some planning ahead. And prioritizing. Church early the next morning? Shower the night before. Family pictures in the afternoon? Shower in the morning and spend the day getting ready a little at a time. Feed the baby, do your hair...feed the baby, do your make-up...feed the baby, get in the car and paint your nails on the way to wherever you're headed. I know I'm only speaking from experience with one tiny, easy, sleeps-a-lot baby...but being covered in spit-up, spending every day in sweats, and being dirty all the time hasn't been my new-mom reality. And in the event you find showering a challenge...dye your hair a nice dark brown for fall and you can get away with some pretty amazing dirty hair.
Whatever makes you feel like yourself...do that. We came home from the hospital and I was stupidly tired, but I spent part of the afternoon putting gifts away, starting some laundry, and organizing everything we hauled home from the hospital. With the whirlwind of giving birth and adding a new human to our lives, everything feels a little out of whack...I think it's natural to want hold on to anything that feels familiar. And what felt comfortable and familiar was organizing my house. For the past seven weeks if I've had an especially hard night, it feels good to get up and start my day by picking up the house. Even when it probably would have made more sense to go right back to bed.
Something I've Learned: If I get up and immediately hit the ground running without first brushing my teeth, throwing my hair up, and putting on real clothes...it's noon before I get back around to it. I have to force myself to do that stuff before I start in on my To-Do list for the day.
Being a mom is a job. I knew this before, but it's for real you guys. And if you want to be good at a job, you can't spend all your time whining and complaining and sleeping and demanding your husband help you because, "it's your turn!" Josh doesn't go to work in the morning and demand I come help him spread chemicals. So when he comes home, I don't demand he help me change Maverick's diaper. He does the fun cuddling in the evenings, but he does not get up in the night (what good would it do anyway...I'm the only one who can feed the baby) because it's not really his job. We have ONE baby and I can honestly say nothing about my life right now is harder work than what Josh gets up and does everyday. This is what I signed up for when we agreed I would/could stay home...so I plan to suck it up and handle it.
It is possible to still look fab. I'll be the first to admit I've been enjoying giving my face a break from make-up and I LOVE that I don't have to blow dry my hair before work every morning...but I've made a rule for myself that Monday's are a PJ-lazy day at home to recover from the weekend...the rest of the week I get up, put on mascara, and act like a real human. Even if I'm not planning on leaving the house. And dressing a post-pregnancy body isn't nearly as horrifying as everyone hypes it up to be.
A tip I'll share for those habitually new-mom tired eyes that the anchors on the Today Show use (and they get up at like 3am EVERY DAY): A cold wash cloth on your eyes for about five minutes and you'll look as fresh as a daisy.
Being prepared isn't hard, it just takes a little extra time (which, coincidentally, I was prepared for). If I know we have a big day tomorrow, I lay everyone's clothes out the night before. This is something I used to do with Josh and I, so it wasn't that hard to just coordinate an outfit and add Maverick to the nightly routine. It's worth the ten extra minutes at night to make us on time in the morning. As far as remembering all the new baby stuff we need before we go anywhere...I try and have as many systems as possible in place so it's quick and easy to remember all this stuff. Stroller is always in the trunk, extra diapers and a package of wipes stay in the car (in case I forget to refill my stash in the diaper bag), Maverick's luggage is conveniently located in his closet. We've taken a couple weekend trips at this point and the only thing I forgot on one of them were my undies (good thing Josh was coming to Manson a couple hours later and could bring them PHEW). And I remind myself...this too, is part of my SAHM job, so it would be kind of pathetic if I forgot something really basic like a spare outfit or diapers.
Breastfeeding is weird. I can't sugarcoat this one for you. It's creepy and weird and sure it's good for your baby and helps you lose weight and it's free...but it's essentially like being half-naked in a room full of people while everyone carries on a conversation and you're...just...sitting there under a blanket half-naked. I try and make it more enjoyable by avoiding breastfeeding anywhere but my house at all costs and prefer to sit in front of my TV with either Gilmore Girls, KUWTK, or Today Show playing while I feed Mav. Planning my life in three-hour increments isn't a big deal because...feeding a baby is like the biggest part of my SAHM job description right now. We go on a date? It's three hours or less. We road trip somewhere? It's three hours or less. It's a season and it's already going by too fast, so you won't hear me complaining about it.
You have got to let that baby cry. The good news is, babies are still really cute when they cry so it makes it much more bearable. If Maverick is changed, fed, burped and I know it's nappy-time, I have no problem wrapping him up and letting him wail-it-out for a bit. It seriously works and he's getting way better at going right to sleep. He has off days (today was one of them) but this is how I get stuff done. Don't get me wrong, I cuddle and kiss on him plenty, but it doesn't do either one of us any good for me to hold him all. the. time. Bills need to be paid, showers need to be taken, mommy needs to eat lunch (I accidentally forget sometimes) and he needs to let me do those things...especially because if I don't eat...neither does he.
Keeping the house clean isn't that hard either. Again, it's just priorities. If I can't handle getting up, pulling myself together, and doing a clean sweep of the house before people come over or before we take off for the weekend...what is my problem. I'M HOME ALL THE TIME. With a baby who is happy when he's awake and then sleeps most of the day. I literally have no excuses. I don't get everything checked off my to-do list everyday...but the point is that I try. And the beauty is that if I don't get to cleaning both bathrooms, I can always do the other one tomorrow! BECAUSE I'M HOME AND THIS IS MY JOB AND I LOVE IT.
I'll reiterate that this is all true of my first-time-stay-at-home-with-a-happy-healthy-Maverick-mom-life and it's not true for everyone. But my point is, there is just too much negative stuff about taking the plunge with that first baby than positive...and coming out of the fresh newborn phase, I decided there should be more positive. Babies have allergies and reflux and colic and none of that is fun or fair for new moms and I'm definitely not saying postpartum depression should be ignored...these are just my a few of my observations for you today.
This newborn stage isn't nearly as bad as everyone makes it out to be. The number of times I've read about the newborn stage being nothing but a sleep-deprived haze that many parents wish away because it's so exhausting and terrible...not how I feel about it at all. I would say I was pretty tired for the first week, but by week two, I'd settled in to a nice little SAHM routine. Certainly still tired...but I expected that. It's like getting up in the middle of the night to feed a baby is shocking to some people...? And napping when the baby naps is not as hard as everyone makes it seem either...you're looking at a champion college napper who came out of retirement seven weeks ago for this joyous occasion.
You will have time to shower. It all just takes some planning ahead. And prioritizing. Church early the next morning? Shower the night before. Family pictures in the afternoon? Shower in the morning and spend the day getting ready a little at a time. Feed the baby, do your hair...feed the baby, do your make-up...feed the baby, get in the car and paint your nails on the way to wherever you're headed. I know I'm only speaking from experience with one tiny, easy, sleeps-a-lot baby...but being covered in spit-up, spending every day in sweats, and being dirty all the time hasn't been my new-mom reality. And in the event you find showering a challenge...dye your hair a nice dark brown for fall and you can get away with some pretty amazing dirty hair.
Whatever makes you feel like yourself...do that. We came home from the hospital and I was stupidly tired, but I spent part of the afternoon putting gifts away, starting some laundry, and organizing everything we hauled home from the hospital. With the whirlwind of giving birth and adding a new human to our lives, everything feels a little out of whack...I think it's natural to want hold on to anything that feels familiar. And what felt comfortable and familiar was organizing my house. For the past seven weeks if I've had an especially hard night, it feels good to get up and start my day by picking up the house. Even when it probably would have made more sense to go right back to bed.
Something I've Learned: If I get up and immediately hit the ground running without first brushing my teeth, throwing my hair up, and putting on real clothes...it's noon before I get back around to it. I have to force myself to do that stuff before I start in on my To-Do list for the day.
Being a mom is a job. I knew this before, but it's for real you guys. And if you want to be good at a job, you can't spend all your time whining and complaining and sleeping and demanding your husband help you because, "it's your turn!" Josh doesn't go to work in the morning and demand I come help him spread chemicals. So when he comes home, I don't demand he help me change Maverick's diaper. He does the fun cuddling in the evenings, but he does not get up in the night (what good would it do anyway...I'm the only one who can feed the baby) because it's not really his job. We have ONE baby and I can honestly say nothing about my life right now is harder work than what Josh gets up and does everyday. This is what I signed up for when we agreed I would/could stay home...so I plan to suck it up and handle it.
It is possible to still look fab. I'll be the first to admit I've been enjoying giving my face a break from make-up and I LOVE that I don't have to blow dry my hair before work every morning...but I've made a rule for myself that Monday's are a PJ-lazy day at home to recover from the weekend...the rest of the week I get up, put on mascara, and act like a real human. Even if I'm not planning on leaving the house. And dressing a post-pregnancy body isn't nearly as horrifying as everyone hypes it up to be.
A tip I'll share for those habitually new-mom tired eyes that the anchors on the Today Show use (and they get up at like 3am EVERY DAY): A cold wash cloth on your eyes for about five minutes and you'll look as fresh as a daisy.
Being prepared isn't hard, it just takes a little extra time (which, coincidentally, I was prepared for). If I know we have a big day tomorrow, I lay everyone's clothes out the night before. This is something I used to do with Josh and I, so it wasn't that hard to just coordinate an outfit and add Maverick to the nightly routine. It's worth the ten extra minutes at night to make us on time in the morning. As far as remembering all the new baby stuff we need before we go anywhere...I try and have as many systems as possible in place so it's quick and easy to remember all this stuff. Stroller is always in the trunk, extra diapers and a package of wipes stay in the car (in case I forget to refill my stash in the diaper bag), Maverick's luggage is conveniently located in his closet. We've taken a couple weekend trips at this point and the only thing I forgot on one of them were my undies (good thing Josh was coming to Manson a couple hours later and could bring them PHEW). And I remind myself...this too, is part of my SAHM job, so it would be kind of pathetic if I forgot something really basic like a spare outfit or diapers.
Breastfeeding is weird. I can't sugarcoat this one for you. It's creepy and weird and sure it's good for your baby and helps you lose weight and it's free...but it's essentially like being half-naked in a room full of people while everyone carries on a conversation and you're...just...sitting there under a blanket half-naked. I try and make it more enjoyable by avoiding breastfeeding anywhere but my house at all costs and prefer to sit in front of my TV with either Gilmore Girls, KUWTK, or Today Show playing while I feed Mav. Planning my life in three-hour increments isn't a big deal because...feeding a baby is like the biggest part of my SAHM job description right now. We go on a date? It's three hours or less. We road trip somewhere? It's three hours or less. It's a season and it's already going by too fast, so you won't hear me complaining about it.
You have got to let that baby cry. The good news is, babies are still really cute when they cry so it makes it much more bearable. If Maverick is changed, fed, burped and I know it's nappy-time, I have no problem wrapping him up and letting him wail-it-out for a bit. It seriously works and he's getting way better at going right to sleep. He has off days (today was one of them) but this is how I get stuff done. Don't get me wrong, I cuddle and kiss on him plenty, but it doesn't do either one of us any good for me to hold him all. the. time. Bills need to be paid, showers need to be taken, mommy needs to eat lunch (I accidentally forget sometimes) and he needs to let me do those things...especially because if I don't eat...neither does he.
Keeping the house clean isn't that hard either. Again, it's just priorities. If I can't handle getting up, pulling myself together, and doing a clean sweep of the house before people come over or before we take off for the weekend...what is my problem. I'M HOME ALL THE TIME. With a baby who is happy when he's awake and then sleeps most of the day. I literally have no excuses. I don't get everything checked off my to-do list everyday...but the point is that I try. And the beauty is that if I don't get to cleaning both bathrooms, I can always do the other one tomorrow! BECAUSE I'M HOME AND THIS IS MY JOB AND I LOVE IT.
I'll reiterate that this is all true of my first-time-stay-at-home-with-a-happy-healthy-Maverick-mom-life and it's not true for everyone. But my point is, there is just too much negative stuff about taking the plunge with that first baby than positive...and coming out of the fresh newborn phase, I decided there should be more positive. Babies have allergies and reflux and colic and none of that is fun or fair for new moms and I'm definitely not saying postpartum depression should be ignored...these are just my a few of my observations for you today.
I'm off to feed Maverick like it's my job...because oh, wait. It is. ;)
MmB
MmB
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