What I've Learned After Four Years...

Marriage
The roots are deep
The Covenant is solid
Love is sweet
Life is hard and
God is good.

So Josh and I have been married for four years.

I can remember our one year anniversary like it was yesterday...no really, it literally feels like it was yesterday. We went to Target and bought a big TV and moved the smaller TV into our bedroom because at Christmastime all we wanted to do was watch Christmas movies in our magical Christmas bed. So we could justify this big purchase by calling it an anniversary gift to ourselves. And yes, in June we were thinking about Christmas.

Our anniversary celebration this year included a date night to The Cafe and a movie, followed by a weekend trip to our favorite cabin at Twin Lakes.

As we head in to our fifth year of marriage...these are 10 random things I wish someone would have told me while we were dating...or during our engagement...or during marriage counseling. Or maybe someone did tell us and I wasn't listening, but I'm pretty sure no one did. Sure we were semi-prepared for combining our finances and we discussed how we would raise our future children...but this stuff...this is day-to-day marriage stuff that no one tells you. So I'm going to.

1. Not all husband's will bring home flowers after work, 'just because.' Not all husband's will get up and make your coffee and breakfast every morning either. In fact, it seems to me that flowers are kind of a waste of money (although birthdays, Valentine's, and anniversaries are an exception ;) and I can get my butt out of bed to make coffee just as easily as Josh can. Some husband's do those things and that's wonderful, but also...some husband's don't. And that's okay too.

2. I know some couples who have the same decorating style, enjoy shopping together, and generally have the same taste in music/movies/entertainment, etc. In fact, common interests are what a lot of couple's base their relationship on. Josh and I are not one of those couple's. Marriage is about compromise...but sometimes it's about doing that stuff you absolutely hate with a smile on your face, no compromise included. Before I met Josh, Switchfoot, Anberlin, and Mumford and Son's were absolutely not in my music library. Today...I know every lyric on every album and have dubbed these specific artists our 'road-tripping music.' Five years ago Josh would have never been caught dead dancing at a wedding...and a month ago, he danced with me until the DJ played the last song.

3. On the flip side...I, under no circumstances, expect Josh to come to my cheerleading banquets, awards, and games. Just like Josh doesn't expect me to go camping with him and our future children on a 'vacation.' There is compromise and then there is a line you just don't cross...cheerleading and camping is that line for Josh and I. And we're to the point where we're both totally okay with that. If it upsets you that your husband doesn't want to do certain things with you...think about all the crap he doesn't expect you to do...like watch Lawless...or go shooting...or mow the lawn.

4. Your husband is not your dad. In my house growing up, my dad was the one who got the mail, took out the garbage, handled all vehicle maintenance, washed the windows, cleaned the bathtub, handled the important insurance stuff, and did the mowing and the shoveling (he was also in charge of supper on Friday and Sunday night...which is why we ate frozen pizza every Friday night and hot dogs and beans every Sunday night ;). Of the things on that list...I think you can guess what the BLC CEO does on a regular basis. Honestly, Josh can't be bothered with window cleaning, bathtubs, and putting gas in my car. I learned rather quickly how to contact our insurance agent during a crisis, who to call when our vehicles need to go to the shop, and I suppose I've gotten used to filling my own car with gas...although I appreciate it when I get in and I'm surprised with a full tank. ;) And I'm not saying all that 'learning' came without a few arguments.

5. If your husband works a lot of hours...it's probably not a good idea to complain about it. I. Cannot. STAND IT. when wives complain about how much their husband works, how they hate their husband's job, or how they're never around to help with the house. All that means is YOU have tons of free time to clean the house, sew new throw pillows, grab coffee with a friend, and learn to make freezer meals. Duh.

6. Amazing in-laws are a precious commodity. The relationship Josh and I have with our respective in-laws is really like nothing I've ever seen. Josh and Jamie are LITERALLY brother and sister (heck, Jamie even considers Josh's siblings her siblings). Josh's parents have become my parents to the point where it's just easier to call them mom and dad instead of Vern and Patti. No one told me that holiday's and family gatherings would sometimes come with fights and chaos...but no one told me that the siblings and parents we share between the both of us would become our BEST FRIENDS. We rotate all holiday's which has gotten easier with time, but when we're at Easter with the Boersma's, I miss my family...and when we're at Thanksgiving with Keil's...I miss Josh's family...it literally feels like part of me is missing and I had no idea all of this wonderful family stuff comes when you marry someone. And best part? Inheriting four more grandparents. :)

7. Is anyone else reading these blogs that are all, 'never stop pursuing her,' 'never stop dating her,' 'never, ever stop writing her love poems and leaving rose petals on the bed and making her a four course meal and eating it by candle light while you drink wine by your fireplace because of course getting married means you'll have a fireplace'? I'd like to know...where are the viral blogs about the stuff wives are supposed to do? Lately my newsfeed has been bombarded with all this pathetic, 'we're husbands and we are all the same and we are all terrible' crap. Here's something...if you're expecting to be pursued, stop being a B. If you want to go out on dates, communicate that to your husband because maybe you're getting all depressed that your husband isn't ever taking you out and he thinks you're perfectly happy staying in every night because you've never COMMUNICATED otherwise. And all that stuff about poems and roses. Please. Just stop. That's not real life, that's the Bachelor.

8. Not all husband's shower their wives with super thoughtful, romantic gifts...sometimes the best anniversary gift is a new vacuum and a deep freeze filled with meat (happy four years to us!). And I know women who would literally cry over gifts like these because they're not romantic or thoughtful or jewelry. I, for one, actually think it's pretty thoughtful that my husband works for 12 hours a day just so we can afford a house TO vacuum. I also don't mind shopping for and buying my own birthday and Christmas gifts...that's what Josh's parents do and they've been married for 30 years. So. Looks like we've got it made. ;)

9. Sometimes your husband will ask for your opinion about something...and you will tell him. And he won't like it or he won't agree. That is fine, as he still reserves the right to make the final decision. However, he can't get mad at you for having your own opinion even if he thinks it's stupid, and sometimes husband's need to be reminded of this. Also, if you ask your husband to do something and you get mad about the way he does it...maybe you should have done it yourself in the first place. This is how I learned skills like furniture moving, Facebook Swap selling, and using a power tools.

10. Most of the time when you fight, all that adorable Pinterest stuff you pinned won't exactly be at the forefront of your mind. Josh and I hardly fight anymore (it's more of a cute bicker or banter, and it only gets real sometimes), but I can tell you that when we do, our personalized 'Mr. and Mrs.' mugs, or 'established 2010' signs, or marriage quotes painted on a barn shutter hanging in the dining room are about the last thing I want to think about. But when we step back and realize there is a covenant and a promise to glorifying God with our marriage on the line...do bills or new kitchen flooring or dirty jeans laying on the floor for the bazillionth time really matter?

It's actually pathetic how much they DON'T matter.

Just some opinions from someone who can officially no longer be called a 'newlywed.'

And thank goodness, because newlywed is literally one of my least favorite titles. 

MmB